The Notebook
by Carebear3
Summary: A notebook found brings back memories from the past that seems as if it were a lifetime ago.
1. Default Chapter

Disclaimer: I don't own any of them except for my made-up people, Rachel and Caleb Alt

Disclaimer: I don't own any of them except for my made-up people, Rachel and Caleb Alt. You already know who owns them, so I'm not going to take the time to tell you.

Author's notes: This is just something that came to me, so I started writing and didn't stop until I was finished. When you read it, you might think it's classified as a Harm/other story, but if you read it until the end, I promise you it's actually a Harm/Mac story. Please read and then tell me what you think of it. 

There's a slight breeze out on the porch today, so I decided to sit out here to look at all my old possessions. I've found some wonderful things, not only from my childhood, but also from my career in the Navy. 

It seems like such a long time ago that I was working at JAG, or fighting in the courtroom with Mac. It all brings back such wonderful memories. I found the two old boxes a while ago, when I moved into this home. I hadn't had time to go through them yet though. Not that I've been busy, but just worrying about her takes up all of my time.

I catch a glimpse of myself in a mirror that was in the first box. My skin is wrinkled, and I'm not as well built as I used to be, but I still have my hair, though it is gray and my smile and eyes remain just as well as they've always been.

The second box is open next to the first. I've replaced all the items gingerly so that I can look into the second box. The first item on top is an old notebook. I remember this notebook perfectly. I can remember the day I bought it, how much it cost, and what I bought it for. This is probably one of the only things that I can remember perfectly these days. A piece of advice, enjoy being young while you can. 

I open the cover of the blue notebook. It's not a special type of notebook. Just a run of the mill ninety-nine cent notebook with one hundred pages. But what's inside the notebook is priceless. 

The pages are filled to the end with words. Words written by me. This notebook is a piece of my past, the life I had and what I wanted. Behind me, there's a creak of the steps, and I know she's come out here as well.

I turn around to smile at her as she uses her cane to sit in the rocker next to me. She looks puzzled to see me, but then another smile crosses her beautiful face. Though worn with age, I can honestly say that it is just as beautiful as it was fifty years ago. She's silent as she glances at my notebook. 

"What's that?" she asks me.

"It's a notebook that I bought when I was young. It contains a part of my life, a story about me," I tell her as I smile again.

She's got that puzzled look on her face again, and I know she doesn't have a clue as to what the story is about. I glance at her hands as she rocks back and forth. "Would you like me to tell you the story?" I ask.

"Would you?"

"Of course. It's kind of long," I warn as I open to the first page of my notebook again. She nods, and I begin to read.


	2. Chapter 2

Harmon Rabb stood in the airport and watched the retreating form of his former partner and her fiancé. Mac was leaving him to go with Mic Brumby to Australia. Where they would marry. He sighed and turned around. He had been invited to go with them to the wedding, but he figured it was for the best that he stayed in America. 

And the worst of it was that Mac wasn't coming back. She had quit JAG and was transferring down to Australia. He began to walk out of the airport and back to his car. Bud, Harriet, and everyone else at JAG had seen them off the night before, so he was all by himself as he put the car into drive and looked back one last time.

He hadn't been able to put it into words when he asked her to stay. She looked at him sadly, and then told him she couldn't, that she didn't love him. He could see in her eyes that she was fighting tears, and he knew that it wasn't true. But he didn't want to see her any unhappier, so he accepted it.

And that brought him up to speed. He was alone and she was gone. He sighed again and told himself that he shouldn't be feeling sorry for himself.

The next day at work was pure torture. Tiner was helping to empty out what was left of Mac's office, and everyone kept giving him pitiful looks. Bud came in his office to talk, but Harm couldn't concentrate and found himself lost in thought.

"Sir, are you going to be okay? The Admiral offered you that vacation time you have left, and you could take a little time at home before getting right back to work."

"No, Bud, if I was at home, I'd go crazy with all that time to myself. I'd rather be here, even if everyone is giving me pity."

"Alright sir. Oh, Harriet and I would like to know if you'd like to have dinner with us tonight. It's been a while since you saw little A.J. and we'd enjoy your company."

"Now that I can do. Thanks Bud."

Bud nodded and walked out of Harm's office. His computer chimed a moment later, and the email notification bar popped up. His head shot up and he clicked on it. It was from Mac. He almost didn't want to read it, but he shook the thought out of his mind and read it anyway.

All it contained was a short message telling him that they were there and finding a new place. Harm sighed for what seemed like the millionth time since he'd seen Mac leave. It didn't seem that life was going his way right now, and he didn't feel like it would ever get better.

Two weeks later little had improved for him. Harm knew their wedding had been two days previous, and now they were on their honeymoon. The happy couple now married. His life seemed empty without her; there were no arguments, no little glances across the bullpen, and no smiles to share with a certain marine. 

At least most of the pity had stopped by now. Most everyone else had their own problems to worry about now, so they didn't have time to pity him. He was extremely grateful for that small fact because he had never been one to enjoy being looked upon as weak. He was supposed to be the strong person, the one who never showed the hurt. But he didn't bother to hide the fact that he was hurting immensely. Harm didn't care anymore.

Her office was completely empty and the dust had begun to settle again. No one went in, and her nameplate was gone. So it took Harm by complete surprise when a female he didn't recognize walked through Mac's old office door with a box. 

Curiosity getting the best of him, Harm got up from his seat and knocked on the door. "Enter," she called in a rush. "Hello, what can I do for you?" she asked before standing up and looking at him.

She didn't seem fazed by his good looks or the slight frown on his face. "I'm Lieutenant Commander Harmon Rabb, Jr. I was just wondering, have you been assigned to this office?"

"Nice to meet you. I'm Marine Colonel Rachel Alt. And yes, I've just been assigned to this JAG office. Why do you ask?"

"No…well my partner just transferred and this was her office. I just had no idea that someone else was filling her spot."

"I'm sorry. But this is now my office. Would you do me a favor? Grab that box out there and bring it in for me?"

Harm looked dumbfounded. Here was the first person who wasn't going to take his crap and treat him gently. Slowly, he moved and retrieved her box from the hall. "Well, I look forward to working with you," he said as he walked out her door and back into his office. She looked after him with a smile on her face. 

Harm sat back down at his desk and watched her as she put her nameplate on the office door. He observed for the first time how beautiful she was. Her medium-length honey blond hair had a slight curl to it, and her eyes were a dark shade of green. She looked nothing like Mac had, and Harm was very grateful for that. And for the first time since Mac had left, he smiled a real smile.

The next morning, the Admiral called Rachel and Harm into his office to give them their new assignments. "Commander, you'll be defending, and Colonel, you'll be prosecuting. Here's the case file. And Colonel, we're glad to have you here."

"Thank you sir."

"Dismissed."

"Aye sir."

Rachel walked out in front of Harm, and he caught up to her side. "Would you like to go over these at lunch, or when?" he asked.

"Um…lunch would be fine. Where would you like to go?" she said carefully, hoping she wasn't misleading him.

"Do you like health food?"

"I wouldn't eat anything else," she said as she broke out into a grin.

"Okay, meet me at The Garden at noon and we'll start working on it then."

"Alright," she called as she walked into her office. From across the room, Harriet watched Harm and the new officer, Rachel Alt. Her first thought was that it was good that Harm seemed to finally be getting out of his depression mode and trying to make friends with Rachel.

Right at noon, Rachel's car pulled into the parking lot and she hurried inside to find Harm waiting at a table. "Sorry I'm a bit late. I was working so hard I didn't notice the time."

"That's okay. Let's order before we look at the file." After ordering their lunch, their conversation turned to the case. The two worked well together, and soon they had come to a compromise about it. 

When their lunches arrived, the two became silent until they began talking about their personal lives. "Are you married?" asked Rachel.

Harm held up his hand. "Nope. You?"

"No. I don't want to give you the wrong idea or anything, but I'm not really looking for a relationship, just maybe a friend since I don't know anyone at JAG yet, except you."

Harm's face also looked relieved. "Don't worry, I'm not either. The partner I told you about? We…well I…"

"I get the gist."

"If you don't mind my asking, why aren't you looking for a relationship?" Harm asked.

Rachel was silent a moment. Then she reached for her purse and pulled out a picture. She handed it across the table to Harm, and he took it. The picture showed a baby boy about a year old, and Rachel and a man next to her.

"You have a baby, and a boyfriend?" he asked, a little shocked from what he was looking at.

"Yes I have a little boy. His name is Caleb, and he's eighteen months old. And that was my husband. He died about six months ago in a plane crash," she said with a tight smile to help her keep from crying.

"I'm sorry. I really am."

"Thank you." When they left the restaurant after lunch, they both felt a little less alone in the world.

A few weeks later, after Harm had beat Rachel in court, she invited him over to her house to have dinner with her and Caleb. Within the first few minutes of meeting Caleb, Harm was attached.

"He's a charmer, I'll say that," said Harm as Caleb played with his food in the high chair.

"Thank you. He's a great little boy."

"We should do this more often," said Harm as Caleb reached his messy hands out to Harm and giggled. 

Rachel laughed. "I think the both of us would enjoy that." Then the two adults both grabbed paper towels to keep from being hit by the remains of Caleb's dinner.


	3. Chapter 3

2 years later ****

2 years later

Harm walked into JAG earlier than usual to meet Rachel before court. Over the course of the two years they had worked together, they had become good friends, and Harm had played a large part in Caleb's life.

"Rach, are you going to help me out with this case, or are you planning on staying in your office all day?"

"Sorry, sorry, I was trying to find the notes I took last night at your place after dinner."

"You mean these?" he held up the notes and she laughed. 

"Thank you! Are we ready to go? From what I've heard, this civilian attorney we're up against is pretty good. And the friend I have who works at that office with her says she's gorgeous and single as well."

"Trying to set me up are you?" he grinned. "I don't need a date. I'm perfectly happy as it is."

"Okay, if you say so," she looked at him skeptically.

"Let's go. We've got to get going if we're going to be on time."

They arrived at the courtroom with five minutes to spare. Rachel pointed out the attorney as soon as they entered. Harm only caught a glimpse of her from behind as he and Rachel took their seats.

"You've got the opening and I've got the first witnesses, correct?" she asked him.

"Yeah."

"All rise for the honorable Judge Peters residing."

"You may be seated. Counsel?"

"Lieutenant Commander Harmon Rabb for the defense."

The prosecutor stood up and looked straight at him. "Sarah Mackenzie for the prosecution."

Harm coughed and grabbed the glass of water Rachel held out for him. "Commander Rabb, are you okay?" asked the judge.

"Yes sir. I apologize. I'm ready to continue."

Harm stared at the woman who had just identified herself as Sarah Mackenzie. It was her, and she was right across the room from him. After presenting opening arguments, the judge called a recess for lunch.

"Harm, what was that all about this morning?" asked Rachel before they walked out of the courtroom. Mac stood still waiting to hear what Harm would say.

"I'll tell you later," he said in a low voice as he ushered her out of the courtroom.

As soon as they arrived at the restaurant, Rachel asked him again. "Why did you start a coughing fit all of a sudden?"

Harm didn't answer her, and suddenly her eyes widened. "She's the one. She's your old partner, the one you were in love with, isn't she?"

"Yeah. I thought she was married in Australia and now I come to find out she isn't."

"Oh my goodness, this is amazing," she said. 

"How can you say that? I was in love with her and she brushed me off. Now she's back, and I just…I'm in shock. She didn't even call to say hi over the past two years, and now I'm fighting her in court."

"Don't you get it? You're still in love with her, and you're getting a second chance. That's something not all of us get, so at least talk to her after court."

"How do I know that I'm still in love with her?"

"I know, so you've got to know. I'll go with you after court today and we'll talk to her. Okay?"

"I guess so. But only to get you off my back."

"Okay then."

After they finished for the day, Rachel practically dragged Harm over to talk to Mac. "Hello, I'm Rachel Alt, and apparently, from what I've heard you knew Harm."

Mac smiled. "I'm pleased to meet you Rachel. You can call me Mac. And yes, I used to work with Harm."

"I've worked with Harm for about two years now, but I don't know everything about him. Why don't we have dinner tonight, and you can tell me about when you used to work with Harm."

"I'd like that. Where and what time?"

"Hey, do I get a say?" complained Harm. 

"Not in this one," Rachel said as she jabbed him in the side. "My house, seven o'clock. The address is 3002 S. 25th street. We'll see you tonight."

"That sounds good. Thanks," said Mac as she walked away with her briefcase in hand.

"Now see how hard that was?" scolded Rachel as she pushed him out the door.

"She's changed. She's not the same person anymore, and after we have dinner, you're going to let it drop, okay?" said Harm.

"Alright, alright, I will. Do you think she'll mind Caleb tossing his food around?" Rachel laughed.

"Well, she used to love Harriet and Bud's son, little A.J. so I don't think she'll mind."

"I hope not, because he's going to love getting a new playmate."

When seven o'clock rolled around, Mac was right on time. Harm answered the door with Caleb in his arms. "Hi," chirped Caleb as he reached out to touch Mac's face.

"Caleb, no," said Harm as he pulled his hand back and then put him down. "Go find mommy."

Caleb ran off and Mac's eyes were fastened inquisitively on him. "Is he…I mean…"

"Oh, no. No, he's Rachel's little boy, but we've gotten to be good friends and Caleb has gotten to know me very well."

"Oh, I thought you and Rachel were…"

"Together? No, we're just good friends. Here, come on in. Rachel's in the kitchen."

Mac looked around the house. She followed Harm to the kitchen where Caleb was banging on pots and Rachel was putting the food on the table.

"Go ahead and sit down," said Rachel as she pulled her curly hair back into a small ponytail. "Caleb, come here."

"No."

"Come here Caleb," said Harm as he held out his arms. Caleb came running and Harm swung him up and placed him on the chair in the booster seat. 

"Help yourself. So tell me what you're doing at a civilian firm after being in the marines."

Mac looked up from her plate. "Well, I moved back here and quit the marines when I got a job offer about a year ago for the firm I'm at now." 

"Hmm, that's got to be interesting," said Harm.

"It is, but I have to say, JAG was a lot better."

Caleb chose that moment to throw his food at Harm. "Ham eat!" he squealed.

"Ham?" asked Mac with a wry smile. 

"He can't say his r's."

Harm stood up and wiped the food off of him and then sat back down to eat. When dinner was finished, they visited until Caleb's bedtime, and then Harm got ready to leave. Rachel hugged him, and Mac couldn't help but to feel a little jealous. 

"Talk to her. Invite her to your apartment to talk," she whispered in his ear. "It was nice having dinner with you. I'll see you tomorrow in court," said Rachel.

"Bye Rach. I'll see you tomorrow." Harm walked down the drive and then remembered Rachel's whisper. "Uh, Mac, would you like to come over to my apartment to catch up without Rach around?"

"I suppose that would be okay. I'll meet you there. It is the same apartment, right?" she said.

"Yeah, it is. I'll see you there in a few minutes."

When both cars pulled up to the parking lot, it was totally dark outside. "Come on up. I apologize for it being slightly messy, but I haven't cleaned since last week because I was out of town."

"That's okay. Wow, it's changed so much," she commented as she sat down on his sofa. 

"I know. I re-did it about a year ago. Do you want something to drink?"

"No, I'm okay."

"Mac, we need to talk."

"This can't be good. What do we need to talk about?" she asked, knowing exactly what he was talking about.

"Mac…you know what I'm talking about. I want to know everything from the past two years."

Mac sighed. "Alright, then you'll tell me everything. We went to Australia. The day before the wedding, I realized I couldn't bring myself to do it. Because Mic was not the man I wanted. And I expected the man I wanted to rescue me, but after I turned him away one last time, he wasn't there to catch me again," she said softly as Harm looked downward.

"I didn't know you wanted me to."

"I did. More than anything in the world, I did. I took one look at you in the courtroom, and then I saw you with Rachel and her little boy, and I thought to myself, how could I have let him get away? How, when I knew that the only thing that should have mattered was how much I loved him and he loved me?" she said regretfully. "I stayed in Australia for another month by myself, then I came back here, only to learn that my job had been taken by Rachel. I got another job in the service, but it just wasn't the same, so I gave up. It wasn't going the way I wanted it to, so I quit and got a job at the law firm I'm at now. And that brings me to now, when I saw you in the courtroom."

Harm sighed. "What I think is the worst part, is that you never contacted me after that one email. Rach got your job, and she and I became fast friends because I had just lost you and she had just lost her husband. We've gotten very close, and Caleb has needed some male guidance in his life, but he knows I'm not his father. I'm trying to get her to go on dates more often, so that she can get an actual father for Caleb, but she's still been a little wary. Harriet and Bud are still at JAG, and so is the Admiral. Lt. Singer, Tiner, and Gunny are also there, but we've got a few new people too. Besides Rachel, there's Lt. Crimson and Commander James. And that about covers it."

"Well, new people are good. Look, you know, it's late, and we have to be in court tomorrow, so why don't we call it a night?" she said as she stood quickly.

"Mac, I want to know, do you still have feelings for me? I mean, enough to give it another go?"

"Harm…I really don't want to…"

"You turned me down once. Are you going to do it again?"

She looked at him for a moment before placing a kiss on his cheek. "What do you think?" she asked.

"I think you're going to give it another chance."

"I think you might be right. I will talk to you tomorrow after we're done in the courtroom."

The next afternoon, Harm realized that Mac was every bit as good as she always had been. She was making a good case, but he felt he could beat it. After they finished for the day, Harm stopped her.

"A date?" she repeated.

"Yes, you know, something people do with another person when they have feelings for that individual."

"An actual date," she said again.

"Yes." Mac didn't surprise him when she finally managed an okay and then left for the day.

A few months later, Harm and Mac were back in the old routine of their relationship, but it had become more advanced. Rachel overlooked the entire thing, and she and Mac got to be good friends. 

But one day changed everything. Harm came home from work expecting to find Mac pulling up in her car at the same time. He spotted her car already parked and so he assumed that she was already inside his apartment.

He walked in to find boxes at the door, neatly stacked and ready to bring down to her car. "What are you doing?" he asked her.

"I'm leaving. I've got a new job offer, and I just don't think that you and I will work out, so I'm taking it," she said, sounding calm, but fighting tears with her back turned towards him.

"And you didn't even bother to discuss it with me?" he asked.

"I decided on my own." Mac grabbed two of the five remaining boxes and carried it down the stairs to her car with Harm just standing there watching her, feeling helpless.

She came back up and grabbed the remaining three, and then walked out of the apartment for good. Harm ran outside after her and stopped her from getting into her car. "I don't want you to leave."

"I have to."

"I love you. Don't leave me again," he said again.

"I love you too, but that doesn't mean I can stay."

"Please," he pleaded as she got into her car, closed the door, and unrolled the window.

"Harm, just make this easy on the both of us before I start bawling like a baby and go back inside."

"No. Not unless you come with me."

Instead of getting out, she started the car. "Stop, please. I love you too much to let you go again," he said one last time.

She looked at him, and then back at the steering wheel. She sat there, and then put the car into drive.


	4. Chapter 4

I look up from the pages to see her staring at me

I look up from the pages to see her staring at me. "That's all I wrote," I say to her.

"May I ask you a question?" she asks politely. I know what she's going to ask, so I prepare myself with the answers. "What happened after Sarah Mackenzie left?"

I smile inwardly as I also try to keep my sadness from showing. "You'll know by nightfall," I say as she leans back into her rocker and is silent for a few moments again.

"I don't mean to be nosy, but may I ask a few more questions?"

"Yes," I say.

"Well, I can't seem to recall, who are you, and who am I?"

I feel overwhelmed with sadness as I also do when she asks this. "I'm Ben," I say, "And you're Rosa."

"Oh," she says and seems to accept the answer I gave her. "Last question, I promise. Why do you treasure that notebook so?"

"It's from a piece of my life that I thought I'd never want to remember," I say, and she's quiet once again. "Would you care to go inside?" I ask, holding out my hand to meet hers, the one I slipped a wedding ring on so many years ago.

She nods and takes my hand. When our hands touch, it's like a shock hits her and she turns to me again. "Harm?" she asks, and I nod in relief that once again she has regained her memory, and feel terror that one of these days, she will never again know who I am.

"Thank you for telling me our story," she says. "I know that the Alzheimer's is harder on you than anyone."

"Any time." She reaches for me and envelops me in a hug. "Sarah," I hear myself whisper.

"Hmm?" she asks.

"Sarah, I love you," I say, feeling that the words cannot express how much she really means to me.

"I know how you feel," she whispers. "I love you too."

And with that, we join hands again and walk inside, leaving the notebook on the rocker, leaving a little bit of our wonderful past behind.

Author's note: Okay, I know I didn't say exactly what happened after the notebook finished or what happened to Rachel and Caleb, but if you really want to know, review and I might consider doing another story to say what actually happened.


End file.
